We’re doing a movie night tonight, pizza and drinks, popcorn and the latest action flick. I’m not overly enthusiastic. Sure I’ll get to see all my friends, we’ll have fun, a few drinks. Jay and Roxie will be there. No doubt snuggled together. Reminds me of another movie night …

Movie night, my place, the gang’s all here. ‘Fight Club’ is on the screen but we’re mostly chatting and drinking cheap red wine. I’m on the floor in front of the couch, he’s behind me, his talented hands rubbing my shoulders and scalp.

Such good hands, strong fingers … my mind could wander but it doesn’t. Because when I turn back to look I see his eyes are closed as he kisses her. His hands might be in my hair giving me a friendly massage but her hands are in his as she moans into his mouth.

His hair, usually a dark chocolate brown had been bleached blonde by his girl du jour and it looked … wrong. Sure, he looked hot but Jay always did with his wide shoulders and fallen angel face. I couldn’t fathom why the girl would change his hair though, why mess with perfection? I was also relieved I’d decided to go stag tonight, seeing my current boy toy next to a blonde Jay would be … strange.

I dated only blonde men for a reason. The one time I’d gotten involved with a dark haired man I’d called out the wrong name at the wrong moment. Things had not ended well. The only saving grace was that he had never actually met Jay. If he’d known I was in love with my best friend? How cliché and embarrassing. Since then, I was all blondes all the time.

Five years later, the her has changed many times but I’m still firmly in the friend zone. Any time I had any stupid thoughts that we could be anything more, I would just replay the conversation I had overheard Jay having with a mutual friend not long after that movie night. So many of our friends assumed we were fuck buddies and one of them had asked  Jay outright.

“So you and Dee,” I’d heard Adrian ask just before I walked out of the alcove that lead to the bathrooms.

“Me and Dee?” Jay had repeated sounding confused.

“Are you two are a thing or …?”

I heard coughing then and Adrian saying, “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you choke man.”

“It’s okay,” Jay’s voice had been rough. “Just, me and Dee? That’s hilarious.”

Hilarious. He’d gone on to say that we were just friends and always had been but I didn’t need to keep listening. The little dream I’d nurtured since I was 16 of Jay one day seeing me as more than just a friend had died right then.

Any time I thought otherwise, I just had to remember that one word, hilarious.