I woke up in the land of ‘what was I thinking’. Not ‘what have I done’. I knew exactly what I’d done. Slept with my ex. My night of a few drinks after work and an anonymous hook-up had taken a wrong turn somewhere. I think it was at about drink number five. That’s when Roxie had turned up and my good sense had apparently run out the fucking door.

I pried my eyes open to find I was in the land of purple haze. Roxie had a thing for the colour and it was everywhere. She even draped a purple scarf over her lamp and no amount of ‘it’s a fire hazard’ warnings could change that. Now I had two problems.

First, how to move without my head falling off. Second, how to get out of here without seeing Roxie.

“Morning lover.”

Epic fail on problem two.

“Roxie,” I rasped sounding like I’d been on a three day bender. I felt the mattress dip then her hands stroking up my chest. I groaned from the movement, grabbed her arms just to have something to hold on to.

“Jay,” she sighed my name and her lips slid along my ear. “You were an animal last night, so passionate.”

“Mmm.” I’m not sure if it was a moan of pain or agreement.

“Do you want to …” her hand trailed down to wrap around my morning wood.

No I did not. I grabbed her wrist to stop her before she started stroking. “Rox we need to talk,” I said firmly, only wincing a little bit at the sound of my own voice.

“Yeah we do,” she agreed, her hand still holding my dick. “Here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to date,” she began.

“Rox,” I interrupted and her hand tightened on me, a threat not a seduction. Fuck me. I squeezed her wrist just a little, managed to meet her eyes and a moment later we both let go. I shoved myself upright, pulling a sheet across myself and wishing for water and pain relief. “What the hell?”

Roxie stood up and crossed her arms over her chest, clad in, of course, a purple t-shirt. “We’re dating again Jay. It’s a busy time socially and I don’t want to be ‘poor single Roxie’ this year. So unless you want everyone to know whose name you call when you come.”

She paused and let me think about that for a moment. I had no comment, I just closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands.

“I thought not,” she said triumphantly. “If anyone asks, you begged me to take you back.”

I don’t know how long I sat there, my head throbbing from my well deserved hangover, but eventually Roxie came back. I looked over as she placed a bottle of water and a bottle of pills on the bedside table.

“Take some tablets and have a shower, there’s a market I want to go to.”

Feel my sarcasm as I say, “Best day ever.”