I’d had good sex in the past. At least I thought I had. Until those stolen moments in a cramped maintenance cupboard with Tyler. I told myself it was the nature of the encounter, the forbidden tryst, so naughty, so daring. So what I needed, what I wanted, was to do it again, prove that it was just a fluke, or even that I had exaggerated just how good it was in my memory.

Because then I could put this, put him behind me. Focus on getting a job, building my own life, getting my own space, my own money so I could fight for my boys. Tyler was a distraction I couldn’t afford, a temptation I couldn’t resist. So I needed to have sex with him, to see it was just sex. Just a physical transaction between two adults who had an itch to scratch.

He was hot and hard beneath me, so I was hopeful we were thinking the same thing. Except maybe, not here, in broad daylight. Maybe in his bedroom, beneath the covers, in the semi-dark?

His lips brushed mine teasingly and I opened my mouth, expecting his kiss. He didn’t disappoint me. His tongue stroked my lips then he bit my lower lip hard enough to make me gasp. He sat back and licked his lips as he stared at my mouth for a long moment then with a muttered curse his hands tightened on my waist and I found myself seated beside him on the couch again.

He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, dropping his head into his palms. His shoulders moved as he took in a couple of deep breathes. Had I done something wrong? I had no idea.. My heart was racing, my body primed for his and he had set me aside. I needed to go. The ten minute ride would take me thirty to walk but that was fine. I had no where I needed to be anyway.

Should I say something? Tyler still had his face covered and it would be easier to leave without looking at him, without seeing … regret, disgust, rejection? I should just go and send him another email, apologising and leave it at that.

I stood up, careful not to jostle him and took a step away from the couch. He didn’t move. He probably thought it would be easier not to face me too. A few steps took me to the doorway and as I stepped from carpet to hardwood floors I was glad I didn’t have boots on as I moved soundlessly to the kitchen. I stopped at the bench, remembering that we’d come in through the garage and he’d closed it so I couldn’t leave that way.

A broken sob escaped me as I realised I had to find the front door. I was barely holding myself together, focused on leaving, and now I couldn’t just do that, reality was crashing back. I took a deep breath, pushed all my feelings down, pulled my composure around me and turned back around. The front door couldn’t be that hard to find and if I had to ask Tyler to let me out, I could do that. I was fucking woman, I could roar.

I lifted my head to look for the way out but all I saw was Tyler, leaning in the lounge room doorway looking at me with those green eyes, his mouth set in a grim line.

“Going somewhere Lily?”