I’ve always been a vivid dreamer, my recall is not always great though. Some dreams stick with me for years, others disappear leaving just a drift of emotion. In recent times I have dreamed about a man. Is three times in nine months a lot? In reality, I don’t know this man, have never seen him. Well I don’t think I have. There was this one time in a supermarket .. but that was only a few weeks ago, so no.

So dream one happened in February. I am sitting in a backyard I don’t recognise with other people I don’t recognise. This man is sitting close beside me, he leans over and whispers something filthy in my ear. I shush him and tell him my ex-mother-in-law is right there. He smirks and tells me he doesn’t care. Dream ends.

Dream two came in April. We are in a car, arriving at an open area that I later recognise as some botanical gardens. In the car with us are my two children. We all get out of the car and the kids take off running towards a group of people. My ex and his family. The man waits by the car while I walk over and have a brief discussion about collecting the kids later. I get back in the car and we drive away. Dream ends and I wake up with my heart aching at having left my kids behind, even for a short time.

Dream three was last night. There was a bed. I didn’t wake up sad from that one.

I don’t know what to make of these dreams. I’ve always looked for signs and meanings in my dreams. Not all of them, some I know are just dreams. But this recurring man puzzles me. I look at the dreams and think maybe they’re just my hopes for the future. A man who’ll say dirty things to me, look after my kids, and, well dream number three I’m not sharing details yet. Is it just that simple?

My hopes? My dreams? My future? I wish I knew.