I regretted the email as soon as I sent it, hated the passive/aggressive bullshit ‘you looked happy with your girlfriend’ line. I could blame lack of sleep since I hadn’t gotten any while Paul had taken the boys grocery shopping. Instead I’d packed a picnic and a bag for a day away from the house, then done a load of washing and a few other jobs until they got back. But I had to be honest with myself, if with no one else.
Anger, jealousy, sorrow, all those fun emotions had contributed to the email. It was too late now, what was said and sent couldn’t be taken back.
“Forget about it Lily,” I muttered to myself as I clicked over to another browser. A few rounds of Candy Crush then I’d try to sleep. As the game loaded a soft beep announced a new email so I clicked back to find a message from my boss and friend Margie.
I would call but you might be asleep! What’s this I hear about someone following you to the bus stop? Everything okay? Call me in the morning!
Margie’s son worked the day shift on the weekend so I guessed he had seen what happened. I debated calling Margie but decided against it, I didn’t trust myself not to blurt out the whole Tyler story. Instead I replied to her email.
All fine, just someone asking for directions. Off to sleep now!
What a weak excuse! Another beep, Margie not buying my explanation. Already planning my reply that would rely heavily on suggesting she had better things to do on a Saturday night I clicked back over It wasn’t from Margie.
Nothing to say? Really? I have plenty to say, plenty of questions. If you wont meet with me I guess I’ll just ask here.
Why aren’t you wearing a ring?
When did you last have sex with your husband?
Is your marriage still over?
Do you always work that shift?
Why aren’t you driving yourself home?
Are you seeing someone else?
When can I see you?
Okay, this is why I should only do this sober but fuck it! I’ll probably never hear from you again so might as well just say it all. When I had you at my house, (and I’m a fucking idiot for not just taking you to bed that day), I told you that I mean what I say. Since that day I’ve buried myself in work, just waiting, hoping, that things would change with you, that I’d hear from you. Just see you, but you disappeared.
Seeing you last night, shock is a mild word. I thought I was dreaming except you looked at me like you didn’t know me. Which is why I came back. I dropped Jen at her place, then came back and waited in my car because I didn’t want to miss seeing you leave so I could talk to you. See how you were, see if you thought about me like I think about you. Guess not.
You thought I looked happy? Funny because everyone else tells me I look tired, that I work too hard, that I need to have some fun. Truth is I was waiting to have that with you. Hoping anyway.
For the record, Jen is my sister’s best friend. I was just giving her a lift home as she drank too much at dinner. There’s been no one since you Lily, I just … I can’t. Fuck it, I’m sorry.
I could feel my face getting hot as I read his email, whether from anger or embarrassment I wasn’t sure. Before I had even started to process everything he had said another email arrived.
I’m so sorry. Don’t get me wrong, I meant every word of that email but I shouldn’t have sent it. I don’t want to offend or upset you. My sisters say I’m a brat when I don’t get my own way, guess they’re right. If you could just ignore/delete that last email, that would be great (he says hopefully).
So, just wanted to let you know that I don’t have a girlfriend, Jen is my sister’s friend. I was helping out giving her a lift home. I’ve spent the last few months busy with work and thoughts of you so it wouldn’t have been right for me to try to start a relationship with anyone else.
I really hope you’ll change your mind and give us a chance to talk, to see if we could have more than just insanely explosive chemistry. All those months ago, you told me your marriage was over and I believed you. I’m taking the fact that you no longer wear any rings as a sign that things have changed in a positive direction.
You say you don’t have much spare time and I get that but I’ll fit in any where you want me. I’d love to take you to breakfast after work one day if you’d let me? Then I could give you a lift home, save you the bus trip. Just say the word and I’m there.
In case you didn’t save it last time, here’s my number. Call, text, I’ll be there. Asking again, maybe it’s third time lucky, can we talk?