Could I have fucked things up any more? As the door closed behind Dee I groaned and thumped my head against the wall.
“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”
What the hell had I been thinking?
“Fuck it!’ I sighed and pushed away from the wall to cross to the intercom. The doorman assured me Dee had gotten safely into a cab so that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about.
Instead I could focus on all the things I had done wrong over the last hour and work out how to fix it. Except touching Dee and wrong didn’t go together in my head. The taste of her skin, the brush of her lips, the feel of her arching against me. None of that was wrong.
Okay, dry humping her and coming like a teenager with no control? That might have been a little wrong. But at the same time, if that’s how good it was with our clothes on, we’d just about kill each other once we got naked.
Which led me back to ‘what the hell had I been thinking?’ When Dee hadn’t jumped from my bed screaming in disgust my mind had gone into overdrive and I started thinking, ‘what if’. Right up until she asked, ‘What then?’ Beyond the physical, what then? And I knew the answer, as much as I didn’t like it. Dee didn’t do commitment so her ‘what then’ and mine were likely very different. In my ‘what then’ we’d date, she’d fall in love with me, then the traditional marriage and all that goes with it. For Dee? I offered her the reassurance that she needed. Just the physical, thinking I could work with that, I could give her all that she needed in that arena. Get her addicted to us and ease her into a relationship.
Then she’d admitted that she was tempted to try me out and that had pretty much fried my circuits. I’d thought I could touch her, tease her, love her, have her begging for more. I hadn’t expected to get lost in her at the same time. I’d had enough brain power not to kiss her properly at least, I knew that if I did that, there would be no going back. For me there was a level of intimacy in kissing that crossed a line and as much as I wanted to, I needed Dee to want to go there too. Not in the heat of the moment though. No way did I want her to have that excuse later.
So we’d both take the day to think about it. Consider the options, the consequences. Make a plan. My objective hadn’t changed, I wanted Dee for my happy ever after and I’d use whatever I had to convince her she wanted the same. Our friendship was solid, the benefits would be phenomenal and I was ignoring the little voice that wanted me to realise that the latter could obliterate the former. I just refused to think it could happen.
I’d be everything Dee needed, her best friend, her fantasy lover, and along the way she’d fall for me just as hard as I had fallen for her. I had just over twenty four hours before I began my campaign. This was a war I needed to win and I wasn’t above playing dirty. Let the games begin.